Things I've learned from retail:

I've bee in retail for nearly 7 years now, and no one does anything that long without picking up some useless knowledge along the way. Here are just a few of the nuggets of wisdom I've acquired. Hopefully, these tidbits can help you along the way. Enjoy!



1. Shirts of the exact same size and style usually vary significantly. A customer will sometimes find it necessary to destroy an entire stack of t-shirts to find the medium that is MOST medium.

2. Merchandise out of reach is far cooler than anything that can be reached without the assistance of a 12-foot ladder.

3. If you are the boss, it was your fault. You should have known better.

4. "How about if I jus call the Better Business Bureau?" is the last ditch effort of a liar.

5. "I spend a ton of money in here!" really means: "I bought a shirt in here...once...4 years ago."

6. "So it's half-off day, right?" is apparently the funniest joke customers have ever heard.

7. A customer will find the only item in the store without a tag or another item like it and want to buy it.

8. The employee you bent over backwards to help out is stealing from you.

9. "I don't mean to be a pain," really means: "I'm getting ready to rape you with my words."

10. The top 3 Responsibilities of a Teen Retailer:
1. Sell
2. Teach people to sell
3. Babysit the tweens dropped off at the mall by their irresponsible, inconsiderate
parents.

11. If you give away anything for free (even dog shit), you will have people lined up out the door to get it.

12. Buying $14.99 t-shirt gives the customer the right to treat the store manager like their own personal bitch.

13. Skateboards break because they are poorly constructed, not because the kid sucks at skating.

14. Eleven-year-old Timmy, who lives down the street, knows more about skateboarding than the guy that has been working at the shop since before Timmy was born.

15. Skate shoes should be able to withstand a nuclear explosion.

16. Short shorts and miniskirts shouldn't be made in sizes larger than a womens' size 9!!

17. A fitting room can easily be mistaken for a public restroom.

And finally....

18. Two-piece bathing suits are NOT for every girl.



I hope you all took something away from this. It would be a shame to find out that all of this is useless information that will never further benefit myself or the public.