Things I've learned from retail:

I've bee in retail for nearly 7 years now, and no one does anything that long without picking up some useless knowledge along the way. Here are just a few of the nuggets of wisdom I've acquired. Hopefully, these tidbits can help you along the way. Enjoy!



1. Shirts of the exact same size and style usually vary significantly. A customer will sometimes find it necessary to destroy an entire stack of t-shirts to find the medium that is MOST medium.

2. Merchandise out of reach is far cooler than anything that can be reached without the assistance of a 12-foot ladder.

3. If you are the boss, it was your fault. You should have known better.

4. "How about if I jus call the Better Business Bureau?" is the last ditch effort of a liar.

5. "I spend a ton of money in here!" really means: "I bought a shirt in here...once...4 years ago."

6. "So it's half-off day, right?" is apparently the funniest joke customers have ever heard.

7. A customer will find the only item in the store without a tag or another item like it and want to buy it.

8. The employee you bent over backwards to help out is stealing from you.

9. "I don't mean to be a pain," really means: "I'm getting ready to rape you with my words."

10. The top 3 Responsibilities of a Teen Retailer:
1. Sell
2. Teach people to sell
3. Babysit the tweens dropped off at the mall by their irresponsible, inconsiderate
parents.

11. If you give away anything for free (even dog shit), you will have people lined up out the door to get it.

12. Buying $14.99 t-shirt gives the customer the right to treat the store manager like their own personal bitch.

13. Skateboards break because they are poorly constructed, not because the kid sucks at skating.

14. Eleven-year-old Timmy, who lives down the street, knows more about skateboarding than the guy that has been working at the shop since before Timmy was born.

15. Skate shoes should be able to withstand a nuclear explosion.

16. Short shorts and miniskirts shouldn't be made in sizes larger than a womens' size 9!!

17. A fitting room can easily be mistaken for a public restroom.

And finally....

18. Two-piece bathing suits are NOT for every girl.



I hope you all took something away from this. It would be a shame to find out that all of this is useless information that will never further benefit myself or the public.

V-Necks and Chest Tattoos...

...are like peas and carrots these days. If I am at work, or just out in the social scene I seriously see at least 5 dudes a day rocking a v-neck with some script tattooed across their upper chest showing. Which inevitably leads me to the question:

Which came first, the tattoo or the v-neck?

My guess would be the tattoo came first but not by much. I'm picturing some guy going to the tattoo shop because he finally decided he wanted "Sono Un Idiota" in Italian across his chest. So he gets his tattoo finished and heads immediately to Target (or somewhere that sells American Apparel if he's lucky) and proceeds to purchase v-neck t-shirts.

This isn't just males either, females are guilty as well. The most peculiar thing is that you never see that person wearing a normal-necked t-shirt EVER AGAIN! It's spreading like wildfire and it's pissing me off.

A few facts I've uncovered(meaning made up):

After acquiring chest tats a persons v-neck to normal-neck inventory ratio (based on 7 shirts for the 7 days of the week) skyrockets from 0:7 to at least a 6:1!

The v-neck/chest tat accessory is accompanied by a pair of Tom's shoes 77% of the time.

above photo taken from the Hipster Runoff blog

This Post is Unabashedly Racist...

White people shop like this --



Black people shop like this --

Welcome!!!

I got first post!

Welcome to the blog. This here waste of time and space located on the world-wide-interwebs is dedicated to retail.

More specifically, WORKING retail.

Even MORE specifically, HATING working retail.

And even MORE speci...just kidding. OMG.

I didn't have to work today, so I don't have any stories. Also, I'm tired and don't feel like thinking. So there.

Do YOU work retail? If so, hit us up. Maybe you could contribute...

Friends Don't Let Friends Wear Famous

So, if you can't tell simply by looking at the picture (of Travis Barker, owner and operator of FS&S) on the left, that Famous Stars & Straps is a poor clothing choice, I'll let you in on a few secrets.

1. It's so bad, not even Travis himself will wear it during a photoshoot. (See exhibit A)

2. If you wear it, you automatically look like an idiot.

And...

3. Would you like to see our collection of flatbill hats?

Seriously, Famous sucks!

One time, I was hanging out at work, when this group of finely-clad douchebags walked in all decked out in their Famous gear and bling. I overheard their entire conversation and you know what it was about? Nothing. They literally just stood around, hanging on their 14 year old girlfriends, making snorting noises and saying things like "hey bro, check these sunglasses dude, you can't see my eyes".

All kidding aside... There's two kinds of people who wear Famous; wannabe thugs, and wannabe thugs who haven't figured out that a size Small t-shirt doesn't look good with baggy jeans.